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"April Fool" | Next: "Good Grief" |
The following is a transcript for the episode, "April Fool".
Greens' house[]
Living room[]
[Episode opens on a plate covered in soap and bubbles, reading the title: "April Fool", in soap. Bill scrubs the plate with a sponge, making it squeaky clean.]
Bill: Bill Green, you wash a mighty fine dish.
Cricket: Today's the day!
[Cricket startles Bill, who drops the plate. It breaks.]
Cricket: The most romantic day of the year!
[Cricket spins around whimsically.]
Bill: Cricket, could you please be more careful when-- Wait, "romantic"?
[Cricket opens the refrigerator.]
Bill: Today's not Valentine's Day.
Cricket: [chuckling; grabs carrot from fridge] Oh, Father. Let me break it down for ya.
[Cricket closes the refrigerator as the screen fades to black...]
April Fools Day[]
[Cricket is now wearing a red suit and top hat, holding while pink and purple hearts float in the background.]
Cricket:
♪ Now I'm not mushy-gushy ♪
♪ I don't do chocolate or bouquets ♪
♪ But today is all about romance ♪
♪ 'Cause it's April Fools' Day ♪
[A lights display reads "April Fools' Day" as two cupids with clown makeup fly up.']
Cricket:
♪ I like to show my love through pranks ♪ [zaps Bill]
♪ To my girlfriend, Gabriella ♪
[Cricket makes a heart with his hands; a red heart with Gabriella in it dilates, covering the entire screen. Transition to the Big City Community Center, where Community Sue is walking. She takes a seat, but in her seat is a whoopie cushion! Cricket and Gabriella are seen jumping together on whoopie cushions.]
Cricket:
♪ Yes, our love language is pranking ♪
♪ That's why I'm the luckiest fella ♪
♪ On April Fools' Day ♪
♪ Gabriella, better beware ♪
♪ I'm gonna prank her back to the stone age ♪
♪ To show her how much I care ♪
♪ So Gabriella Espinosa ♪
♪ You can know my heart is true ♪
[Cricket slips on a banana peel and slides away! Now at the baseball court, Gregly slides to a base, but Cricket moves it out of place just before he can reach it. In the bathroom, the two sneak a bunch of lobsters into the shower... while Bill's in it! In the living room, Gramma is fast asleep, so the duo draw on her with markers.]
Cricket:
♪ 'Cause out of all the girls in the whole wide world, ♪
♪ I only have pranks for you! ♪
[Cricket slides up to Gabriella to hold hands with her as the song ends.]
Front yard[]
[Switch back to reality; Gabriella was actually Remy.]
Remy: Sounds like today's a big day for you and Gabriella!
Cricket: That's right! I'm gonna pull the world's best prank to show the world's best girl how much I care about her!
[Cricket shows Remy and Tilly a framed picture that Gabriella sent, reading "Dear Cricket... GET RATIO'D ❤️ Gabby" above Gabriella making a silly face.]
Remy: Ooh! Saucyyyy! ...Nope. I was trying something. It didn't work, sorry.
Tilly: So, what do you have planned, brother?
Cricket: Oh, there are so many possibilities! Like -- [suddenly empty-headed] Uh...
[Zoom in on...]
Cricket's mind[]
Brain office[]
Brain Cricket 1: Ah, prank ideas, quick!
Brain Cricket 2: Down the hall.
[Whip-pan to the Prank Department. A door with the word "Pranks" on it opens to... nothing. A spider crawls out.]
Back to reality, Greens' house[]
Front yard[]
[Zoom out; nothing? Not good.]
Cricket: I got nothin'! For the first time in my life, I... I can't think of a prank!! [shakes Remy] WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!??!!
Remy: [giggles] That tickles.
Tilly: Perhaps the pressure to play the perfect trick on Gabby has left you with a case of... [dramatically] "pranker's block."
Cricket: Gah...! Pranker's block, of course! [falls] Gah... I care about Gabby so much, it's got my stinky old brain all messed up! [groans softly]
Remy: It's okay, Cricket. You've got all day to figure it out, and if you don't, the worst thing that will happen is Gabby dumps you.
[Of which they will unfortunately do for real four whole episodes later...]
Cricket: [sarcastic] Great pep talk there, bud. Well, I guess I got no choice. [stands] Time to kick this pranker's block!
Gloria + Green Café[]
Exterior[]
[Meanwhile, at the café...]
Interior[]
Gloria: All I'm saying is you don't have to come into work three hours early.
Jade: [scoffs] Right, Gloria. And I guess the ceiling will just... [gets a mop from the floor] mop itself!
[She proceeds to mop the ceiling.]
Gloria: Can't argue with that.
[The door is heard opening.]
Gramma (OS): GIRLS!!!
[Gloria and Jade turn to look.]
Gramma: The health inspector came for a surprise visit this mornin' and found a rat! They're shuttin' us down for good!
Jade: No! No! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
[Jade falls over, not realizing it's just a prank!]
Gloria: It seems like an awfully big coincidence this happened... today.
Jade: Ugh, I know! The one day I didn't check the ventilation system for rats.
Gloria: No, I'm saying it's April Fools' Day. Right, Alice?
Gramma: Uh, I dunno what yer talkin' about.
Gloria: Jade, Alice is trying to prank uuuus...?
[Jade has already started trying to find the rat; she squirms around in the vent.]
Gloria: But thanks to years of being around Cricket, I simply cannot be made an April fool.
[Gloria does four sassy snaps in four corners of a square.]
Gloria: Mmm-hmm. [walks away]
Gramma: Oh, we'll see about that, Gloria.
Big City Park[]
Cricket (OS): Oh, come on...!
By a tree[]
[The trio has made their way to the park to think of ideas.]
Cricket: Come on, people... I need ideas!
Remy: Ooh, I got an idea! [begins visualizing:] You can hit her in the face with a banana cream pie!
Cricket: Nah, not clever enough, bud.
[Remy's visualization vanishes.]
Tilly: I know how to get her real good! What if... [visualizes:] You trick her into thinking you're gonna prank her, but instead you read a tender love poem? [visualization of Gabriella chuckles]
Cricket: Ew! She'd barf! [dream Gabriella screams and throws up pink glitter and stars in Cricket's face] And I'd barf! [dream Cricket does the same] Everyone would barf! [both do so, vomiting into the sky and ending that visualization]
Remy: I've got it! What if... [holds in laugh, picks up a pebble] You hid a pebble in her pocket? And then she'd be like, "Where did this pebble come from"? And then you'd be like... "ME!" [laughs hysterically and drops to the grass]
Cricket: Remy, that's not even a prank. It's just... weird. Look, guys, I appreciate your help, but this is Gabby! You know how special she is to me! She deserves the kind of gesture only I can deliver: Something ruthless and humiliating!
Tilly: Hmm. There must be a way to get you back into a trickster state of mind.
Remy: Yeah, if only we could get someone to just show you how to do it.
[Light bulb!]
Cricket: Remy, you might be onto something. If I can get someone to prank me, then maybe that'll cure my pranker's block!
Somewhere else[]
[Cricket has wrapped a sign around himself that says "Prank me!".]
Cricket: Hear me, hear me, park people! This is your chance! Prank me, and prank me good!
Hot dog vendor: Ooh! Lookin' to get pranked, huh? How about a carrot dog?
Cricket: Oh, come on, man. The name gives it away.
[Cricket walks on the sidewalk, looking for pranks.]
Statue performer: Boooooooo!
Cricket: Is that supposed to scare me?
Clown: Hey, stop and smell the flowers!
[The clown attempts to spray Cricket with water from the flower, but Cricket dodges.]
Cricket: Hack.
Clown: Four years of clown college for nothing.
Cricket: Can't anybody come up with a good practical joke anymore?!?
???: Oh, fortuitous day.
[Someone familiar slowly approaches Cricket...]
Selena: We meet again, Cricket Green.
Cricket: Hey, ain't you the leader of the cyberbullies who messed with my friends a while back?
Selena: The name's Selena. I've had a bone to pick with you ever since you destroyed my drone. Fortunately, I've got a new one.
Cricket: A new what?
[Selena drops a balloon on Cricket from above!]
Cricket: Ah, dang, I should've seen that coming.
Selena: Happy April Fools' Day, Cricket Green!
[She laughs mischievously!, and leaves.]
Tilly: Well, did that work?
Remy: Is your pranker's block gone?
Cricket: [frustrated groan] No! And time is running out!
Remy: Ooh, not saucy. [clicks tongue] Ah, nope, that didn't work either.
Gloria + Green Café[]
Interior[]
[Gloria is cleaning and wiping off the counter as a mailwoman approaches her.]
Mailwoman: Here's your mail, and my condolences.
Gloria: "Condolences"?
[Gloria is confused, then looks down at the card.]
Gloria: What the-- [reading from card:] "You're invited to a funeral for Alice Green"?
[Jade is absolutely and utterly heartbroken by these "news".]
Jade: [tearfully] WHAT!? Alice Green is... [pleasantly] Here you are, ma'am.
[Jade switches back to her sadness.]
Jade: ...dead?!??
[Jade wails in sadness. However, Gloria sees past this facade.]
Gloria: Oh. No, no, no. Jade, she's not.
Jade: NOOOO!!! [wailing] It should have been me! [continues crying]
Gloria: Jade! She's not dead!
[Jade immediately stops crying.]
Jade: Oh, she's not?
Gloria: No! It's just a bad April Fools prank. She's trying to dupe us, but I'm calling her bluff because...
Exterior[]
[Gloria kicks the café door open in confidence!]
Gloria: I'm going to Alice Green's very real funeral!
[Someone walks by as she says this.]
Female civilian: [clicks tongue] Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Gloria: Don't be.
Female civilian: Well, fine!
[The woman angrily walks off. Gramma has been watching the scene from the mailbox, but Gloria hasn't fallen for it just yet.]
Gramma (partially OS): Dang it!
A trash can[]
Gramma: Now I gotta stage my own fake funeral! It's the only rational thing to do.
[Ya sure?]
Big City Park[]
A bench[]
[Cricket walks through the puddles remaining from the water balloon prank with his bare feet, yet not caring.]
Cricket: Argh, stupid Selena getting me all wet... And I still got this dumb pranker's block! What do I do now?
[Cricket dries out his hair with a towel; it sticks up.]
Remy: I keep telling you, Cricket: [in sing-song voice] Pebble in a pockeeeeet!
Cricket: [sighs] This is April Fools, Remy... Get serious.
Remy: I am! I'll prove it! [jumps into a bush nearby]
Tilly: Cricket, I find it interesting that you've never struggled with pranking anyone except for Gabriella.
Cricket: Yeah? [shakes his hair back to normal] So what?
Tilly: Well, if you tricked an enemy of sorts, like Selena, it could alleviate your pressure and cure your pranker's block.
Cricket: Trick an enemy, you say? Huh. Well, at this point, I'll try anything. Except that.
[Cricket points at "that"; an unsuspecting man has noticed a pebble of unknown origin in his pocket.]
Male civilian: Hmm. What the--
Remy: You done got pebbled!
[Remy laughs and laughs at what he thinks is the funniest prank ever, kicking his feet laughing.]
Cricket's prank[]
[Two small children walk in the park together.]
Children:
♪ We are little children ♪
♪ And this is the way we skip around ♪
[Suddenly, they both get hit by water balloons! A drone flies; pan to the right to reveal dozens of other people that have experienced this same fate. Selena, the perpetrator of these pranks, laughs maliciously, her shadow stretching over the hill she stands on...]
Selena: Like prankin' fish in a barrel. Gah!
[An old-person walking cane pokes Selena from behind; the person holding it is Cricket, wearing an old man disguise with a big beard, top hat and glasses.]
Selena: Hey, watch where you're going, ya old geezer!
Cricket: [faux elderly voice] Powerful sorry.
[He dashes away.]
Selena: You'll be sorry, all right... when you're soaked!
[Selena pushes the joystick on her controller; the drone flies towards old-man Cricket.]
Cricket: [old person voice] Huh?
[Selena clicks the button to release the balloon, and... nothing happens.]
Selena: Huh? What the heck?
[She clicks the button again -- still nothing.]
Selena: Ugh! What's wrong with this stupid thing?
Cricket (OS): Oh-ho, nothin's wrong with the drone!
[Whip-pan over to old-man Cricket.]
Cricket: [own voice] But I did switch out your remote! Hmm!
[Cricket removes his disguise, and innocently clicks the actual button.]
Selena: Wha-- What? Oh...
[The shadow of the balloon covers Selena, and it slowly drops...]
Selena (OS): NOOOOO!!!!!!
[The screen slightly shakes; water splashes towards Cricket, implying that Selena's gotten a taste of her own medicine!]
Cricket: [slowly] April Fools.
Selena: Rrugh! I'll get you back for this!
[The water has also hit Selena's hoverboard; sparks spark from it -- it starts to move against Selena's will.]
Selena: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
[The hoverboard, along with Selena, unintentionally roll away! Au revoir to them.]
Cricket: It worked! I dusted off the old brain webs, and now I've got loads of ideas to prank --
[Camera slightly pans over to reveal Gabriella, who has been watching the whole scene, and is clearly not happy with it.]
Cricket: GAH!!! ...Gabriella!?
Gabriella: I saw you, Cricket Green! Today on April Fools' Day, our special day, I catch you pranking someone else?!!??!
Cricket: Wait! Uh, she meant nothing to me!
[Selena yelps as her hoverboard rolls elsewhere; a thud is heard.]
Gabriella: Save your breath. You went from crushing whoopee cushions, to crushing my heart.
Cricket: But, Gabby, I--
[It's too late -- Gabriella walks away, leaving Cricket to only sigh regretfully.]
Gramma's fake funeral[]
[Doors open to a room; a tribute to Alice Green with a sign reading "Alice Green kicked the Bucket!" above her casket, and an easel with a picture of her lazily taped onto it. Quite the effort for a prank, which Gloria walks in on.]
Gloria: Wow, this looks... rushed. [approaching casket] There's no way she's actually in the casket.
[She jokingly opens the casket, but unexpectedly, she is actually in the casket, holding a bouquet of roses and laying perfectly still.]
Gloria: What? Alice is really dead?
[Gloria is almost visibly heartbroken, but after a beat...]
Gloria: Finally!
[A VERY unexpected response to such news - Gramma opens her eyes.]
Gramma: "Finally"?
Gloria: Now I can change the name to just "Gloria Cafe." Best funeral ever!
[Gramma jumps out of the casket; how dare Gloria?!]
Gramma: Traitor!
Gloria: Aha!
[Gramma has officially been caught in the act -- it seems Gloria truly isn't an April Fool.]
Gramma: Uh... uh...
Gloria: Nice try, Alice. But obviously, I knew this was a prank the whole time. I was just pranking you back by pretending I fell for it.
Gramma: Come on! Part of you must have thought I croaked! Admit it!
Gloria: Nope. I told ya, I can't be fooled on April Fools' Day. Come on, I wanna hear you say it.
[Gramma rolls her eyes.]
Gramma: [grumbles; muffled:] You can't be fooled on April Fools' Day.
Gloria: I can't hear you.
Gramma: Fine! [clearly] You can't be fooled on April Fools' Day!
Gloria: That's right.
[Gloria does her four sassy snaps in a square again, followed by:]
Gloria: Mmm-hmm. Woo!
[Gloria kicks the casket shut and walks away like a runway model. Gramma grunts and punches through the casket angrily!]
Big City Park[]
A stone bridge[]
[Gabriella stands on a bridge to get her mind off of what she had previously witnessed; Cricket runs and finds her.]
Cricket: Gabriella!
[A man strums his guitar under the bridge.]
Gabriella: What do you want?
Cricket: I figured you'd be here. I know how you love feeding the ducks.
[Gabriella drops bread crumbs onto the guitarist.]
Guitarist: Any requests? Huh?
[A flock of ducks swarm him!]
Guitarist: AAUGH!! MY EYES!!
Cricket: Gabby, can we talk?
Gabriella: What's there to talk about?
[Gabriella drops the bag down, and the guitarist screams as the ducks quack.]
Gabriella: Today was supposed to be all about us, but you made it about you and that girl, Selena.
Cricket: You got it all wrong! I got stuck coming up with a prank good enough for you, so I tried pranking somebody else! I was just trying to get over my pranker's block!
Gabriella: You had pranker's block?
Cricket: I know, it's embarrassing.
Gabriella: I had pranker's block, too.
Cricket: You did?
Gabriella: I wanted to absolutely destroy you, but for the first time ever, I couldn't come up with anything.
Cricket: I guess as good as we are at practical jokes, maybe we ain't so good at playing jokes on each other?
Gabriella: Well... maybe we don't have to.
Cricket: Yeah! I don't want you to be my prank target; I want you to be my prank partner!
[The two chuckle mischievously.]
Gabriella: Well, what are we waiting for?!
Both: Let's go prank someone!
[The couple run off to do exactly that (little realizing that their days as a couple are numbered). And the guitarist under the bridge is still being attacked by ducks...]
Guitarist: AGH, THEY'RE STILL ATTACKING ME!!!!
Gloria + Green Café[]
Exterior[]
[Establishing shot of the café.]
Gloria (OS): So check it out, Jade.
Interior[]
Gloria: Not only did I see through Alice's prank, but I totally reversed it on her.
Gramma: Yup, Gloria is basically un-prankable.
[Jade is busy mopping the ceiling.]
Gloria: Uh, Jade? Careful with that ladder!
Jade: Whoaoa!
[Just as she says this, Jade trips and falls off the ladder... she gets split in half by the "Caution: Wet Floor" sign!?!? Thud!]
Gloria: JADE!?!
[Jade groans; both her halves squirm in place.]
Gloria: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! What do we do? Help! Does anyone know CPR?
[The halves of Jade stop -- turns out, it's actually Gabriella and Cricket playing a prank! They laugh.]
Gloria: [gasps] Huh?!
Gabriella and Cricket: April Fools!
[Even Gramma has a laugh at this.]
Gloria: What the-- You all are sick!
Gramma: Looks like you got got!
[Gramma does the two snaps, trying to imitate Gloria, but she cracks a knuckle trying to do so.]
Gramma: [groans] You get the idea. Good work, you two.
[Gloria sighs as the others continue laughing. The actual Jade comes in from the back.]
Jade: Welcome back, boss!
[Jade looks over the register to see herself split in half!]
Jade: Aah! I got chopped in half! What is happening?
[Jade faints again and thuds on the ground. The end.]