The following is a transcript for the short Big City Greens: Road Trip.

Green's house, exterior

(The Kludge pulls out the driveway.)

  • Bill (OS): Cricket, would you just sit down, please?!

Big City streets

  • Cricket: Ha- can y'all believe it? Our family is going to THE Breakfast Land!
  • Gramma: Why y'all so excited about goin' to a restaurant?
  • Tilly: It's not a restaurant. It's the world's premiere meal-themed amusement park!

(Fade to a map of Breakfast Land. Some kinda stock music background can be heard throughout the map)

  • Cricket (OS): (Zoom into an attraction) And they've got French toast log flumes on a river of syrup, (another) (?) rollercoasters like The Scrambler.
  • Tilly (OS): And there's a large donut man who gives free hugs.

(Back to reality.)

Gramma: What?! I thought we were just going to breakfast. (pointing at Bill) How could you afford a theme park?

  • Bill: Tilly got us free tickets by collecting box tops.
  • Tilly: I vanquished many a bowl of cereal.
  • Cricket: You done good Tilly.
  • Gramma: Ugh... How far is it?
  • Bill: Barely over a thousand miles. (1.6 km)
  • Gramma: WHAAAAAAAAT????????!
  • Bill: Now settle in, the Greens are goin' on a road trip!
  • Cricket and Tilly: ROAD TRIP!
  • Gramma: What??? I didn't eat breakfast!!!

922 miles left

  • Cricket: Now for my favorite part of road trippin'... (pulls out candy) Road snackin'.
  • Tilly: Serve 'em up, brother.
  • Bill: Now, kids, if you're gonna eat, you gotta promise not to make a mess.
  • Cricket and Tilly: We won't!
  • Alice: All this time on the open road got me thinkin'. Maybe it's time for a new pair of knittin' needles.

(Spill coming from the back is heard, the candy has spilled, Cricket and Tilly are concerned.)

  • Cricket: Ooh, ah! Oops.
  • Bill: What was that?
  • Cricket: Uh, pothole.
  • Bill: I didn't hit a pothole. Sounded like candy spillin'.
  • Tilly: Is that not what potholes sound like?
  • Bill: Did someone drop the granola?
  • Tilly: No further questions, your honor.
  • Bill: (grunting)
  • Alice: There's aluminum knitting needles, of course, but with wood you get a glide smoother like a newborn's heinie.
  • Cricket: (Tilly now holding a can of Splish) Hey Tilly, toss me a couple'a cans of Splish.
  • Tilly: Incoming! (tosses him a can of Splish)
  • Bill: Soda? Be careful, those cans don't get shakin' up and --

(SPLASH! The interior and the Greens are now soaked in Splish.)

  • Cricket: Uh Gramma you were sayin'?
  • Gramma: Now, yarn wise, there's wool blend, mole hair, let's not forget alpaca fiber.

834 miles left

  • Cricket: Awwww!! How much longer?!
  • Bill: Taking into account restaurants, meals, motels, we'll be there in about three days.
  • Cricket: That's too long. We gotta get to Breakfast Land! I know what we can do-- a thunder run!
  • Tilly: Yeah!
  • Alice: What is a thunder run?
  • Cricket: We'll drive the whole way with no stops. Knock this trip in one day.
  • Tilly: Why is it called a thunder run?
  • Cricket: Because that's my name for it.
  • Bill: Doesn't matter what it's called. It's impossible. What about gas?
  • Cricket: The thunder is our fuel.
  • Alice: That don't make no sense.
  • Tilly: Why not call it a lightning run?
  • Cricket: Dang it, Tilly, get on board. It's already got on board.
  • Bill: What about bathroom breaks?
  • Cricket: We got an empty jar, don't we?
  • Bill: Cricket.
  • Cricket: Come on everybody. Thunder run, thunder run.
  • Tilly: Lightning run, lightning run.
  • Cricket: Tilly!
  • Alice: "Lightning run" does have a nice ring to it.
  • Bill: Oh, like how lightning is fast.
  • Cricket: What?
  • Bill, Tilly, and Alice: (now chanting) Lightning run, lighting run!
  • Cricket: AAAHHHH!!!!

612 Miles left

(Peace and quiet; then a fly splats on the windshield.)

  • Bill: Whoa.
  • Tilly: (while wearing a sleep mask) ...Did we hit something?
  • Bill: Uh, no sweetie.
  • Alice: What are you talking about? A dad-gummed bird just exploded on--
  • Cricket: Gramma, shh! You know Tilly is with animals. She'd be heartbroken if she knew we killed a bug.
  • Tilly: (still wearing sleep mask) Y'all talking about bugs? Cute, little, precious bugs?
  • Cricket: What are you wanting for, dad? Destroy the evidence.
  • Bill: Oh, right.

(Bill turns on the wipers; the fly doesn't come off easy.)

  • Bill: Ugh.
  • Cricket: Ugh. It's making it worse.

(Tilly's still snoring happily.)

  • Bill: Oh, gosh, where's the washer fluid?

(The wipers are still on; now he turns on the water sprayer.)

  • Bill: Come on, come on, come on.
  • Alice: (singing while her eyes closed) ♫ Rock-a-bye and goodnight. Go back to sleep, little Tilly. ♫
  • Cricket: Yeah, Tilly, this is a dream. Go back to sleep so you can wake up.
  • Bill: We're good.
  • Alice and Cricket: Phew.

(Tilly yawns, then takes off her sleeping mask.)

  • Tilly: What a nap. So, what'd I miss?
  • Alice: Nothing at all, sweet pea.

(Then comes multiple flies, splatting on the windshield! The Greens scream in terror.)

519 Miles Left

(Now they're at a Burger Clown.)

  • Female Burger Clown employee (OS): Welcome to Burger Clown. May I take your order?
  • Alice: I'll have a plate of "la-zagna."
  • Bill: They don't have that. And it's lasagna.
  • Tilly: Just get me a cup of hot water.
  • Bill: No, order food.
  • Alice: Fine. I'll have your fancy lasagna.
  • Bill: They don't have lasagna.
  • Alice: Well, you suggested it.
  • Cricket: Uh, for my Snappy Meal, instead of a burger, I want another toy. And instead of fries, I want another toy. Just make sure they don't give me the blue guy. I already got the blue guy.
  • Bill: We're here for food.
  • Tilly: OK, Papa, I'll have a side of ketchup packets with my hot water. Hello? Tomato soup.
  • Cricket: You hear me, burger clown? No blue guy.
  • Bill: Cricket, you play with those things once, and then I'm stepping on them for months.
  • Cricket: You stepped on my toy? Which one?
  • Bill: I don't know -- the blue one.
  • Cricket: (angrily) Are you serious?!
  • Female Burger Clown employee (OS): Sir, your order.
  • Alice: That's not what we wanted.
  • Bill: THEY'RE FOR ME!!!

313 Miles left

(It is at this point Bill is getting exhausted; he yawns.)

  • Bill: I'm getting tuckered out. Ma, you mind taking a turn driving.

(The next day, the Greens swap their seats: Gramma has taken Bill's place as driver while Bill is sitting on the shotgun seat.)

  • Alice: Dang, boy, where'd you learn to snore like that? Didn't get it from me, I tell you what.

(A few hours later, the Greens swap again: Bill now has full control of the Kludge and Gramma sleeping on the shotgun seat, Cricket and Tilly still sleeping behind them. All the while, Gramma is muttering while sleeping.)

  • Bill: Yeesh, Ma, snore much?

(The next morning, Gramma is driving and Cricket is on the shotgun seat.)

  • Alice: Zip your lips, or I'll leave you at the next gas station.

(Cricket continues to sing. Some time later, Bill is driving the Kludge with Tilly sitting on shotgun seat; Gramma and Cricket sleep behind them.)

  • Tilly: I spy with my little eye, something--
  • Bill: Is it me again?
  • Tilly: It is!
  • Bill: You know, you can pick other things.
  • Tilly: I spy what I spy.

(The next morning... Cricket's on the wheel! The parents are sleeping behind them, and Tilly is riding shotgun.)

  • Tilly: Your exit's coming up, so you're gonna wanna get over.
  • Bill: (wakes up) What? Cricket? How did you-- (okay, he's at the back now; realizing Cricket is driving, he screams) WWWWHHHHAAAATTTTTT?????!!!!!!!
  • Cricket: Relax, Dad. Oh, you made me miss our turn.
  • Tilly: I told you you'd wanna get over.

0 miles left

  • Bill: Hey, someone ask me, are we there yet?
  • Tilly and Cricket: Are we there yet?
  • Bill: Yes!
  • Tilly and Cricket: Woo-hoo!
  • Alice: Finally.
  • Bill: Oh, here comes the sign.

(Cut to an outside view of the Kludge...)

  • The Greens' family: Breakfast Land! Breakfast Land! Breakfast Land!...

(...and they arrive! And there we have it; the Greens have finally reached Breakfast... World.)

  • Cricket (OS): Wait, why does that sign say Breakfast World?
  • Bill: What are you talking about, son?
  • Tilly: Papa, my cereal box tops earned us tickets to Breakfast Land.
  • Bill: World, land; same thing, right?
  • Cricket: Oh, my gosh!!!

(Now the Greens realize that Breakfast Land is on the other side of the country. Which means...)

  • Tilly: Sweet, sweet Papa. You drove us to the wrong amusement park.
  • Alice: Nice going, you dang ding-dong.
  • Bill: Well, I didn't know there were two of them.
  • Tilly: What are we gonna do now?
  • Bill: Well, that's only 2500 miles away. I'm actually happy to get back on the road, you know?
  • Cricket: Nope.
  • Tilly: Uh-uh.
  • Alice: You are a sick man.

(Now the card reads "2500 Miles Left"; then we cut to the title. End.)

ve — Episode Transcripts —
Season 1 1. Space Chicken/Steak Night • 2. Cricket Versus/Blue Tater • 3. Swimming Fool/Tilly's Goat • 4. Cricketsitter/Backflip Bill • 5. Gramma's License/Bear Trapped • 6. Photo Op/Remy Rescue • 7. Gridlocked/Mama Bird • 8. Welcome Home/Raccooned • 9. Fill Bill/Critterball Crisis • 10. Parade Day/DIY Guys • 11. Gargoyle Gals/Supermarket Scandal • 12. Barry Cuda/Suite Retreat • 13. Family Legacy/Paint Misbehavin' • 14. Rated Cricket/Homeshare Hoedown • 15. Cricket's Shoes/Feud Fight • 16. Breaking News/Cyberbullies • 17. Tilly Tour/Dinner Party • 18. Coffee Quest/Phoenix Rises • 19. Blood Moon • 20. Big Deal/Forbidden Feline • 21. Uncaged • 22. Harvest Dinner/Winner Winner • 23. Night Bill/Cheap Snake • 24. Hiya Henry/People Watching • 25. Valentine's Dance/Green Streets • 26. Hurty Tooth/Sleepover Sisters • 27. Trailer Trouble/Mansion Madness • 28. Park Pandemonium/Cricket's Biscuits • 29. Skunked/Axin' Saxon • 30. Cricket's Place/Volunteer Tilly
Season 2 31. Cricket's Kapowie/Car Trouble • 32. Urban Legend/Wishing Well • 33. Elevator Action/Bad Influencer• 34. Green Christmas • 35. Reckoning Ball/Clubbed • 36. Impopstar/Football Camp • 37. Heat Beaters/Bill-iever• 38. Shark Objects/Dream Weaver • 39. Level Up/Wild Side • 40. Garage Tales/Animal Farm • 41. Desserted/The Gifted • 42. Time Crisis/Gramma Driver • 43. Tilly Style/I, Farmbot • 44. Friend Con/Flimflammed • 45. Greens' Acres/Dolled Up • 46. Gabriella's Fella/Cheap Show • 47. Green Mirror/Cricket's Tickets • 48. Times Circle/Super Gramma! • 49. Present Tense/Hurt Bike • 50. Quiet Please/Chipwrecked
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Random Rings, Season 1 Cricket Calls a Karate SchoolCricket Calls a Party StoreCricket Calls a SpaCricket and Tilly Call a Piano TeacherCricket Calls a Grocery StoreTilly Calls a LibraryCricket Calls a Pawn ShopTilly Calls a HotelCricket Calls an AquariumCricket Calls a Pet StoreTilly and Cricket Call Raven Symoné!
Random Rings, Season 2 Telemarketer Calls the GreensGramma Calls an Electronics StoreDr. Doofenshmirtz Calls GrammaCricket and Tilly Call Dr. DoofenshmirtzTilly Calls the FutureCricket and Tilly Call Area 51Tilly Calls a Magician
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Misc. Big City Greens: Road Trip
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