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Previous:
"Mansion Madness"
"Park Pandemonium" Next:
"Cricket's Biscuits"

Big City Park, entrance

(Episode title appears on a flying kite; the Greens arrive at the park.)

Tilly: What a perfect day to spend at the park.

Cricket: (runs past) LOOK OUT!

Bill: CRICKET!

Cricket: Get the doctor on speed dial, Dad, because I am gonna play hard-core! (runs away laughing)

Tilly: Like I was sayin', it's a perfect day at the park to do Gramma activities with my Gramma!

Gramma: What's that, now?

Bill: (puts down a blanket) Oh, she's got a full day planned for ya, Ma.

Tilly: We're gonna feed the duckies...

Gramma: Duckies?

Tilly: And stroll around with parasols...

Gramma: Parasols?!

Tilly: (reading a list) And then we'll rub lotion on each other's achin' feet.

Gramma: DAH! Tilly, what is that?! A list of the lamest stuff ever?! I came to the park to do one thing, and one thing only: sit on my butt and stare at this pothole.

(She sits on a bench and proceeds to do so.)

Tilly: (feeling hurt) You'd rather look at a hole than play with me?

Gramma: Shh-shh!!

(A blue male teenager arrives on a skateboard; he hits the pothole and wipes out.)

Skateboarder: WHOA!!

Gramma: HA HA! I'm not leavin' this bench!

Tilly: Gramma's bein' quite the prickly pear. Well, that won't stop me from havin' a day of Gramma activities!

Gramma: (laughs hysterically) Phew... makin' that pothole was the best thing I ever did.

Elsewhere

(A purple-skinned bespectacled man lowers the plans to something.)

Purple man: Oh Wyatt, you've finally finished your masterpiece!

(Reveals he made an unusual playground called Foamland; he sets a flag.)

Purple man (Wyatt): A groundbreaking experiment in playground equipment! Foam sweet foam! (slowly slides down a dome of foam, it squeaks) Woah, save some fun for the children, Wyatt.

(Cricket comes running towards foamland, laughing and yelling.)

Wyatt: Welcome to my play... ground.

(Cricket runs past foamland without even looking at it, he climbs up a tree)

Wyatt: Little boy, the playground's over here.

Cricket: (from tree) Huh? That thing's a playground?

Wyatt: Well, it's a new kind of playground. It's safe, and that makes it fun!

Cricket: Looks boooring! Trees are nature's playground! (hangs upside-down from a branch)

Wyatt: What a curious little boy... No matter! Here comes another one now!

(A little girl comes running over.)

Little girl: Wheeeee... Oh... Suddenly I don't feel like playing anymore...

(The little girl walks away, Wyatt is dissapointed.)

Wyatt: I unveil a new playground and the children want nothing to do with it.

(Cricket is now digging in the dirt and playing with grass.)

Wyatt: Hey, hey! Little boy!

Cricket: Ugh, you again? You're so boring!

Wyatt: I think you're exactly right. I am boring. Do you think you could teach me about this "fun"?

Cricket: You need a fun teacher, huh? Well you came to the right guy!

Random park area

(Bill has set up a blanket under a tree; he stretches.)

Bill: (yawns) Time for some... (lies down) quality Bill time.

(He lies down; suddenly, a flying disk lands on his tummy.)

Bill: Huh? A Whisbee? (stands) Anyone lose a flying disc?

(Simultaneously:)
Voice 1: Over here!
Voice 2: Right here, man!

(Reveals two teenage men in the distance.)

Green teen man: Hey, man! Toss it back!

Bill: Wow, those are some cool dudes. (looks at the Whisbee) Okay, Bill, don't mess this up. (aims) Get ready, it's coming right back at 'cha, boys!

(He makes his throw; the Whisbee only flies a few feet then falls.)

Bill: (runs up to it) That one doesn't count, do-over! Oh boy, Bill. (grabs it) The pressure is on! (aims again) Here... goes... nothing...!

(He gives another throw much harder; but it slings back and lands in a tree!)

Bill: Oh, no!

Purple teen man: Uh... dude... it's cool.

Green teen man: Yeah... you just let us know when you figure that out.

(They leave.)

Bill: Oh, uh... egh... okay, guys!! I'll let you know!!

Park bench

(Gramma sees another park visitor trip over the pothole.)

Orange jock: WHOA! Oof.

Gramma: Ooooooh...!! And another one bites the dust! (laughs loudly)

(Suddenly, a purple-skinned, white haired senior woman appears; she has her eyes perpetually closed and a warm smile.)

Purple senior woman: Hello!

Gramma: What the heck...?!

(Reveals she is held by Tilly.)

Tilly: Old Gramma, say hello to new Gramma. Because you won't do Gramma stuff with me, I've replaced you with Phyllis!

Purple senior woman (Phyllis): I always keep an extra fig in my shoe.

Gramma: (smirking) I see. Sounds real fun!

(She suddenly witnesses Tilly leaving with Phyllis, hand in hand.)

Tilly: Phyllis, you make me so much happier than my old Gramma.

Gramma: Bleh! I don't care!

Open grass area

(Cricket is teaching Wyatt.)

Cricket: Okay, Wyatt! Fun lessons are now in session! I will show you... the way of the fun.

(He holds out his hands; Wyatt holds them.)

Wyatt: Yes! Please! (Cricket handslaps him.) Oh...!!

Cricket: I win! Rule number one: Life is a game! (drags him away)

Wyatt: W-w-what?

(Elsewhere...)

Cricket: Rule number two: (holds up a stick) Anything can be a sword! Fight me, ya dirty dog! (fights him with it) Yah! Arrrrr!

Wyatt: Ohhhh...! Ah! Agh!

Cricket: Okay, now you try. (hands him the stick)

Wyatt: Oh... uh, okay... arr. (touches his head with it)

Cricket: MURDER!!! (flops down, playing dead) Bleh...

Wyat: Wait, w-what?

(People notice.)

Blue woman:
Is he okay?
Did you see that?

Purple man:
Oh, man!
Did he just knock out that little boy?

Wyatt: What? NO!

(On a hill...)

Cricket: And now for my third and final lesson! Arms up!

Wyatt: Arms up.

Cricket: Legs apart!

Wyatt: Legs apart.

Cricket: Aaaaaand... CARTWHEEL!

(He pushes him so hard he tumbles down the hill.)

Wyatt: OW! UGH!... OH!... WHOA!... Oh...

(He finally stops; gradually, he starts to laugh.)

Wyatt: I feel... so much pain, and yet... that was so much fun!

Cricket: Exactly! That's why the playground you made was super boring—because you removed the risk of gettin' hurt!

Wyatt: (gasps) What if we teamed up, and designed a new playground?

Cricket: One with danger... and risk!

Cricket, Wyatt: WE'LL DESIGN THE BEST PLAYGROUND EVER!

Tree

(Bill is struggling to reach the stuck Whisbee; he grabs it and falls out.)

Bill: Oh... okay, fellas! Third time's the charm!

(The teen boys are sitting at a picnic table eating hot dogs.)

Green teen man: Oh, hey, look. It's that sweaty guy from earlier.

Bill: Bill, don't make a fool of yourself...!!!

(He spins and makes his throw; it flies high into the air.)

Bill: Yes... (the Whisbee steams) Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!

(The Whisbee flies right...over them, and falls into the lake.)

Green teen man: Bro, come on!

Bill: (nervous chuckle) Guess I... don't know my own strength...! (rushes) Uh, let me just get that!!

Park bench

Gramma: Tilly don't need me to have fun, and I don't need her either! Now, where was I?

(Here comes Officer Keys on a scooter.)

Keys: Oh, what a wonderful day for a scoot!

Gramma: This oughta be good! (gets some popcorn and eats)

(Tilly's laughter fades up; she and Phyllis are modeling for a painting.)

Tilly: Don't mind us, we're just super happy over here!

Gramma: Grr...! CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN!? YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME MISS THE—

(And there it is; Keys lies in pain.)

Keys: OW! OFFICER DOWN! OFFICER DOWN! Ow...

Gramma: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Painting area

(The artist is drawing a picture of Tilly and Phyllis surfing.)

Tilly: Make sure you capture how happy we are. (Gramma appears.) Hey, old Gramma! New Gramma and I were just gettin' our characters done. Weren't we, new Gramma?

Phyllis: Father always made time for supper.

Gramma: Yeah, well... I... just came over here to say you...made your dang point. I will play with you.

Tilly: (excited) R-really...? You will?

Gramma: As long as we don't have to do any of that lame stuff you were talkin' about earlier.

Tilly: (flatly) A'right, yeah, never mind. I'm stickin' with Phyllis.

Gramma: WHAT!? You may not think you're replaceable, but you are, Tilly Green!! YOU ARE! (leaves)

Tilly: Yeah, good luck! There are a million Grammas, but only one Tilly.

Foamland

(Montage: Cricket and Wyatt face Foamland in wielding masks; Cricket presents Wyatt a flamethrower, which he uses to burn Foamland down. Cricket nails boards without the posts underneath, as Wyatt measures. Both saw a board in half. Wyatt raises Cricket on a rope to a nail, he hammers it in. Wyatt fastens two pipes together. The two high five and revel their new dangerous creation.)

(Simultaneously:)
Cricket: We did it!
Wyatt: Wahoo!

Lake dock

(Tilly and Gramma are settling into a paddle boat.)

Tilly: Okay, new Gramma Phyllis! We're goin' paddle boatin'!

Phyllis: Are we going to the zoo?

Tilly: No, we're goin' paddle boatin'.

Phyllis: Oh, I love the zoo!

Tilly: Okay...well, um...ONWARD!

(Suddenly, Gramma steps her foot onto their boat.)

Gramma: (feigning surprise) Ohmygosh! Tilly?! Is that you?!

Tilly: (dryly) Yes, it clearly is, what is it?

Gramma: I just didn't want you to take off before you met my new little granddaughter! (brings in a girl) Whose name is... I wanna say... Sparkles.

Replacement granddaughter: It's Rochelle. She said she'd pay me fifteen dollars to be your granddaughter.

Gramma: (snuggles her too tight) Ha-ha-ha! Now it's ten. Oh! We got our caricatures done, too! (shows a drawing of herself and Rochelle driving a monster truck) Pretty cool, huh?

Tilly: (sarcastically) Oh, wow! A monster truck, that's not cool! Dang it, who am I kiddin'? Yes it is!

Gramma: See ya later, old granddaughter!

(Gramma and Rochelle board the boat next to them and leave.)

Tilly: (hurt) Old granddaughter...? Ugh...!!! THAT DOES IT!

(She starts paddling after her.)

Lake

Gramma: Ah...

Tilly: (catches up and laughs) Phyllis had told me the funniest joke! About a chicken... crossin' a road... IT WAS SO FUNNY! (bumps Gramma's boat)

Gramma: Whoa!!!

Tilly: Did I make an oopsy?

Gramma: YOU JUST DANG DID IT, GIRL! (bumps her boat) YAH!

(The boats pass Bill, splashing him all over.)

Bill: Oh...c'mon, Whisbee! Where are ya?!

(The teens are leaving behind him; he finally digs it out.)

Bill: (gasps) Yes! Good news, new friends! The fun is not over yet!

Purple teen man: Look, it's really okay, just don't worry about it.

Green teen man: It's gettin' late, we're gonna go ahead and get outta here.

Bill: (gasps in horror) NO! All right, Bill... this is your last chance.

New playground unveiling

(Cricket and Wyatt stand before their creation, covered up by a tarp as visitors gather round.)

Cricket: Introducing the most fun playground ever built of all time! We've minimized safety...

Wyatt: To maximized fun!

Cricket, Wyatt: Welcome to Funtopia!

(The tarp is removed, the visitors gasp; Cricket and Wyatt give them the grand tour of the various dangerous rides.)

Cricket: ♫ Come with me, little boy ♫

♫ And live the magical dream of fun ♫

Wyatt: ♫ There's no rules to tell you no ♫

Cricket, Wyatt: ♫ Not a single one ♫

Cricket: ♫ Danger ♫

Wyatt: ♫ Sharp edges ♫

Cricket, Wyatt: ♫ And a rusty screw ♫

♫ It's a risky paradise ♫

Cricket: ♫ There's big holes to fall into ♫

Cricket, Wyatt: ♫ And a sliiiiiide... ♫

Red girl: It's kinda shaky!

Cricket, Wyatt: ♫ We knooooooooooooow! ♫

(A "GRAND OPENING" banner flies down.)

Lake

(The paddle boat war is still on.)

Tilly: You've been a jerk to me all day!

Gramma: Well, I can say the same about you!

(They are now head-to-head.)

Tilly: LET'S FINISH THIS!

Gramma: WITH PLEASURE!

(The boats charge for each other...)

Random park area

Bill: (stands up) Okay, Bill... it's time to prove you can impress a couple of cool dudes and THROW THIS WHISBEE!

(Summoning all his might, he throws the Whisbee so hard, it flies right past them!)

Teen guys: (gasp)

Bill: (realizing) Bill, what did you do...?

(The Whisbee passes two pigeons, knocking one out of the sky.)

Birthday party, below

(The birthday boy is about to blow out his candles; the Whisbee bounces off the cake, causing it to splat in his face.)

Father: Jimmy!

Funtopia

Cricket: All right! (high fives Wyatt)

Cricket, Wyatt: (look up) Huh?

(The Whisbee hits the slide's ladder, causing it to fall apart!)

Red girl: (whimpers in fright)

(She jumps to safety just before the slide breaks; the Whisbee also breaks the rope of a set of rings a boy is playing on, and he falls into his father's arms. Everyone runs away as Funtopia collapses! Cricket and Wyatt are completely shocked.)

Cricket: Oh, boy...

Pink mother: (holding her red beat-up daughter) Is this your sick idea of fun?!

Purple father: Where's my son supposed to play now?!

(The visitors surround them and complain.)

Cricket: Wyatt, what do we do!? (sees he's gone) Wyatt?

Wyatt: (to the visitors) I was merely a pawn in the child's scheme! He's the mastermind!

Purple father: AFTER HIM!!

Cricket: Aww, beans!

(He makes a run for it as they give chase; Wyatt backs away slowly before running away.)

Lake

(Gramma is still charging.)

Rochelle: Listen, lady! I didn't sign up for this, I got my whole life ahead of me! Obviously, your granddaughter cares about you, why would she go to all this trouble if she didn't?!?

Gramma: (looks up a head) Huh...?

(Here she comes; Gramma realizes something.)

Gramma: Oh, my gosh, you're right! WE GOTTA STOP THIS THING!

(The Whisbee breaks the boat's steering wheel.)

Gramma: Oh...nono...no, no...

(They charge right for each other and CRASH!)

Random park area

(Cricket is being chased by the angry visitors.)

Cricket: Aaaaagh!! Stop chasin' me! (Starts climbing a tree)

Tree, inside

Cricket: (crawling across a branch) I didn't mean to ruin your playground! I was just tryin' to improve it!

Pink mother: Well, you RUINED IT! AND NOW WE'RE GONNA RUIN YOU!

Cricket: Oh, they can climb, they can climb!! (whimpers and crawls for it) I just wanted to make that boring playground as fun as... as fun as trees! (stops and gasps) That's it!

(The angry visitors close in on him on branches from all round.)

Cricket: STOP!!! Look around you! We don't need a playground to have fun! Trees are nature's playground! Look at all of us up here like a bunch of ring-tailed lemurs!

(The visitors are impressed.)

Red daughter: (hangs upside-down) Whee!

Pink mother: (laughs and applauds)

Purple father: (filming his son) Who's Daddy's little ring-tailed lemur?

Cricket: That's the spirit! Hooray for trees! (loses balance) WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (falls) Oof. I'm okay!

Teens' bus

(The teens are about to board their mini bus.)

Bill: (runs up to them) Hey, wait! You don't have to leave!! I'll get your Whisbee!!!

Green teen man: No, really dude, it's okay.

Purple teen man: Don't worry about it.

(The Whisbee comes out of nowhere and lands in the purple man's hand; they smile.)

Teen guys: Hey!

Bill: (gasps in surprise)

Green teen man: Nice throw, dude!

(The bus drives away; Bill drops to his knees. After a beat...)

Bill: Yes! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lake

(Tilly, Phyllis, Rochelle and the boats float helplessly after the crash; Gramma comes up, gasping for air.)

Gramma: TILLY!!! (swims up to her) Oh goodness, there you are, Tilly!

Tilly: What do you want?

Gramma: Tilly I'm sorry. I don't blame you for replacing me. I-It's not that I don't want to play with you, I just... don't wanna do stuff that makes me feel like an old lady! If I don't think of myself as an old lady, then I don't want to.

Tilly: (sits up) Really? I didn't even think about that. I just like to do stuff that old ladies also like to do, I guess.

Gramma: Well, I suppose I could put aside my pride, and play with my granddaughter. Doesn't hurt that you're cute, too! (pinches her cheek) Ohh...come here!

(Rochelle and Phyllis somehow walk over.)

Rochelle: Yeah... the water isn't deep at all. (holds up a dollar) I took this 20 from your pocket. Phyllis and I are gonna go get ice cream and try to forget about... all... this. (to Phyllis) That was weird, wasn't it?

Phyllis: Kiddo, you have no idea.

(Rochelle and Phyllis exit; Tilly holds Gramma's hand.)

Tilly: Do...you wana feed the duckies? (holds up two slices of bread)

Gramma: Yeah, sure.

(They each take a piece as a duck and its baby duckling float over; they start to feed them.)

Tilly: Here you go, li'l babies!

(The adult duck splashes at Gramma; more ducks arrive.)

Gramma: Ooh, this one's flappin' at me! What's that mean?

Tilly: It means he likes ya!

Gramma: Really?

Tilly: No, he's just hungry.

ve — Episode Transcripts —
Season 1 1. Space Chicken/Steak Night • 2. Cricket Versus/Blue Tater • 3. Swimming Fool/Tilly's Goat • 4. Cricketsitter/Backflip Bill • 5. Gramma's License/Bear Trapped • 6. Photo Op/Remy Rescue • 7. Gridlocked/Mama Bird • 8. Welcome Home/Raccooned • 9. Fill Bill/Critterball Crisis • 10. Parade Day/DIY Guys • 11. Gargoyle Gals/Supermarket Scandal • 12. Barry Cuda/Suite Retreat • 13. Family Legacy/Paint Misbehavin' • 14. Rated Cricket/Homeshare Hoedown • 15. Cricket's Shoes/Feud Fight • 16. Breaking News/Cyberbullies • 17. Tilly Tour/Dinner Party • 18. Coffee Quest/Phoenix Rises • 19. Blood Moon • 20. Big Deal/Forbidden Feline • 21. Uncaged • 22. Harvest Dinner/Winner Winner • 23. Night Bill/Cheap Snake • 24. Hiya Henry/People Watching • 25. Valentine's Dance/Green Streets • 26. Hurty Tooth/Sleepover Sisters • 27. Trailer Trouble/Mansion Madness • 28. Park Pandemonium/Cricket's Biscuits • 29. Skunked/Axin' Saxon • 30. Cricket's Place/Volunteer Tilly
Season 2 31. Cricket's Kapowie/Car Trouble • 32. Urban Legend/Wishing Well • 33. Elevator Action/Bad Influencer• 34. Green Christmas • 35. Reckoning Ball/Clubbed • 36. Impopstar/Football Camp • 37. Heat Beaters/Bill-iever• 38. Shark Objects/Dream Weaver • 39. Level Up/Wild Side • 40. Garage Tales/Animal Farm • 41. Desserted/The Gifted • 42. Time Crisis/Gramma Driver • 43. Tilly Style/I, Farmbot • 44. Friend Con/Flimflammed • 45. Greens' Acres/Dolled Up • 46. Gabriella's Fella/Cheap Show • 47. Green Mirror/Cricket's Tickets • 48. Times Circle/Super Gramma! • 49. Present Tense/Hurt Bike • 50. Quiet Please/Chipwrecked
Country Kids in the City Hog RideTea PartyThe Last DonutDuck SandwichBee TreeSecret CatTilly's Cats
Random Rings, Season 1 Cricket Calls a Karate SchoolCricket Calls a Party StoreCricket Calls a SpaCricket and Tilly Call a Piano TeacherCricket Calls a Grocery StoreTilly Calls a LibraryCricket Calls a Pawn ShopTilly Calls a HotelCricket Calls an AquariumCricket Calls a Pet StoreTilly and Cricket Call Raven Symoné!
Random Rings, Season 2 Telemarketer Calls the GreensGramma Calls an Electronics StoreDr. Doofenshmirtz Calls GrammaCricket and Tilly Call Dr. DoofenshmirtzTilly Calls the FutureCricket and Tilly Call Area 51Tilly Calls a Magician
Miss Tilly's Fun Time TV Minute Meg DonnellyTrevor TordjmanAriel MartinSiena AgudongShelby SimmonsThe Houghton BrothersIsrael JohnsonIzabela RoseMax the Goat
Misc. Big City Greens: Road Trip
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