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Remington Manor, exterior[]
(Episode title appears on a statuette on a water fountain, set to the strains of a violin; we pan up to Remy's room.)
Interior[]
(Remy is playing the violin flawlessly; nailing all the notes. Then he reaches the end of the sheet; the music suddenly jumps.)
Remy: Huh. That's a weird ending. But I ain't no Stravinsky!
(Door knock.)
Vasquez: Master Remy, you have a visitor. Shall I turn him away?
(The visitor is none other than...)
Cricket: (jumping up and down) Hi, Remy! It's me! It's me, Cricket! I'm the visitor!
Remy: Ah-haw, it's okay, Vasquez. Cricket's fine!
Cricket: Yeah, Vasquez... (hugs Remy) ...Remy says it's okay! 'Cause we're fweeends!
(They laugh.)
Vasquez: Master Cricket, it's important that Remy is prepared for his violin recital tonight.
Cricket: (laughs) Oh, relax! He sounds great! In fact, why don't we take a break and roll on down to Burger Clown? This baby boy needs a burgie!
Remy: Uh, actually, Cricket, I really have to keep practicing...
Cricket: Aw, come on, it won't take that long! Just a couple of burgers, some fries. Or you can skip the fries if you're not a fry guy.
(Remy puts an arm on Cricket's shoulder; signalling him to stop.)
Remy: (intense) Cricket! You don't understand: making sure I play perfectly at the recital is the key to my entire FUTURE!!
Cricket: What's a recital today got to do with the future, Remy?
Remy: Vasquez, bring out... the book.
Vasquez: Right away!
(He leaves to fetch the book, backflipping off-screen.)
Cricket: "The book"? What the... heck are you talking about?
(Vasquez crashes through the window; returning with the book.)
Vasquez: Here you are, Master Remy.
(Remy picks up Remy's Life Book; aka, a bucket list...)
Remy: Behold! The book of all things Remy! This book has every major event in my life planned out.
(He opens to the first four steps, then turns the page to step 1,372, labelled as a "LINCHPIN MOMENT!")
Remy (OS): And tonight's recital is the key moment to the rest of my future.
Remy's planned future[]
(In this planned future, Remy is playing the violin perfectly in the recital. His performance gets a clapping from the judge; approving of his performance.)
Remy (VO): You see, in my plan, I'll ace tonight's recital.
(Then we whip pan right to Remy on first chair.)
Remy (VO): And get first chair in the Youth Metropolitan Orchestra!
(He gets applause.)
Remy (VO): Being first chair will look great on my résumé.
(His face is now on a muscular body.)
Remy (VO): And years later, it'll help me get into the prestigious Big City University!
(He is allowed through the gates. Later, he is inside with two other students, all dressed extravagantly.)
Remy (VO): There I'll make connections with members of high society!
Future Remy: So I said to the gentleman, "This 17th‐century painting isn't damaged, it's baroque!"
(He laughs; then the other three laughs.)
Student: Good one.
(Now he is operating on an elderly patient...)
Remy (VO): I'll graduate with seven degrees, and become a world‐class surgeon.
(...while serving meals without looking. He flips a piece of food into a small model volcano, making it "erupt".)
Remy (VO): And celebrity chef!
Customers: Whoa!
Remy (VO): After a successful career...
(Now Remy is in a limo, celebrated by everyone.)
Remy (VO): I'll move into politics and run for mayor of Big City!
Future Remy: Now that I'm mayor, smiles are money! (wink)
Remy (VO): From there...
(Inside a grocery store, a woman spots ranch dressing, which is apparently endorsed by Remy.)
Remy (VO): I'll use my fame and fortune to start my own business.
(The woman picks it up; zoom into the label.)
Remy (VO): One that I have quite the passion for: my own ranch dressing!
(And lastly, he is an old man looking at the sunset.)
Remy (VO): Finally, I'll fade away a happy salad dressing mogul.
Future Remy: (going limp) Blech. (stopping the music)
The present[]
(Fade back to the present as this is the final step in his life.)
Remy: November 12, 2094, 5:22pm.
Cricket: Your parents really have your life all planned out, huh?
Remy: Oh, no, I did this!
Cricket: No kiddin'.
Remy: I like to know what's coming next. Now sorry, Cricket, but I gotta get back to practicing. This single sheet of music will determine my future!
(He could not be more wrong; the "single sheet of music" unfolds to reveal more sheets of music he has yet to practice.)
Remy: Bah...!
Cricket: Uh, so what're these other sheets gonna do?
Remy: What?! There's more?! I...I...I've only practiced the first page, and the recital's TONIGHT!! MY ENTIRE LIFE IS RUINED!!!!!
Cricket: Whoa there, buddy, take it easy!
Remy: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! FIGHT THE FEELINGS, REMY!! FIGHT THE FEELINGS!!!!!
(Cricket backs away; Remy starts to punch the air.)
Cricket: Oh, geez, he's spiraling...
Vasquez: Master Remy! What can I do to help?!
Remy: FREAK OUT WITH ME!!!
Vasquez: Yes, sir! (now freaking out; kicks a plant pot to the side, breaking it) AAAAAH!!
Cricket: Oh, man!! Everyone's broken!!
Remy: FIGHT THE FEELINGS! FIGHT THE FEAR!!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
(Cricket covers him in a blanket.)
Cricket: There you go, buddy. Easy, easy. All right, it's nighttime now. There we go. Just relax...
(Remy is now panting softly.)
Cricket: Now, without freaking out, let's consider the possibilities. I mean, really, what's the worst that could happen tonight?
Remy: The... worst that could happen?
Remy's unwanted future[]
(Remy is playing poorly.)
Judge: Fantastic performance, young man!
Remy: Oh, really?!
Judge: Ha ha! Nope!
(He takes the violin and smashes it.)
Judge: Whew!
Remy (VO): Instead of getting first chair, I'll get last chair!
(Last chair is literally trash; he whimpers.)
Remy (VO): I'll be rejected from Big City University!
(Shows Remy outside the gates; rejected.)
Remy (VO): And the only college that'll accept me...
(He is squirted by a gag flower; he is surrounded by four other clowns.)
Remy: ...will be Clown College!
(Another clown who is Steven Dipper Universe Pines honks his horn twice. Then Remy puts down a sign for his mayoral campaign.)
Remy (VO): Despite a faulty start, I could still run for mayor...
(A larger billboard promoting Benny for mayor is behind him. It dwarfs Remy's promo.)
Remy (VO): ...but I'll have some tough competition.
(Now he is taking the stage.)
Remy (VO): And even if I gain traction in the polls...
(He is next to Benny, also with a muscular body.)
Remy (VO): ...I'll get demolished in the debate.
Benny: I think we should weduce taxes. (making a cute face)
Audience: Awwwww!
(Show the election results; Benny won by a landslide victory, 99% to 1%, accounting for the 1% margin for error. Now Remy is a drifter living on the streets.)
Remy (VO): After I lose the election, I'll wind up completely without options!
Future Remy: (sighs) Ranch, you're the only friend I need.
(He opens the cap and chugs away; then collapses. Thunder strikes above.)
Remy (VO): I'll end up alone... in the gutter!
Cricket (VO): Remy!
The present[]
Cricket: Remy, Remy, Remy! Snap out of it!!
Remy: Aah!
Cricket: Buddy, you are worryin' too much about the future! You should be like me! I've never thought about it, even once!
Remy: You've never thought about the future? How is that even possible?
Cricket: (shrugs) Mm‐mmmh...
Remy: Well, fine! If you've never thought of the future, I challenge you to do exactly that. Try picturing yourself in 20 years from now. What do you think it's gonna be like?
Cricket: Hmm! Probably amazing.
Cricket's imagined future[]
(Big City is now an ultramodern metropolis, the skies filled with drones and flying cars. All this, and the Greens' house, still worn but upgraded with modern technology, is still present.)
Cricket (VO): In the future, everything will be futuristic!
(In Future Cricket and Tilly's room, the former is sleeping; still on his hammock; but connected to a device that tracks sleep.)
Cricket (VO): And of course, I'll be all grown up!
Future Cricket: (yawns) Good morning, future Big City!
(He takes off the blanket to reveal he has long legs. Future Bill is serving Future Cricket his breakfast,)
Cricket (VO): I'll still be living at home since Dad couldn't bear to see me go.
Future Cricket: Morning, family!
Future Bill: Morning, son! I made you breakfast!
Future Cricket: Thanks, Dad! (snacks on bread)"
Future Bill: So when are you moving out, son?
Future Cricket: Never!
Future Bill: Well, okay!
(Future Cricket walks by the living room and passes...)
Future Cricket: Hey, Gramma! Likin' the new look!
(Gramma is now a hologram.)
Future Gramma: Thanks, boy! I finally decided to cut the cord and upload my consciousness to the cloud Best decision I ever made.
(Then her image breaks up and is replaced by...)
Future Officer Keys: Hello? Can anybody hear me in this cyberspace nightmare?? Hello??
(Then Keys' image breaks up and Gramma returns.)
Future Gramma: It's still a bit buggy, but I'm hoping they'll upload a patch soon.
Future Cricket: Hey, any of you guys seen Phoenix this morning? Oh, Phoenix!
(In comes Phoenix, noticibly much more energetic than her usual self.)
Future Cricket: Oh, there ya are, girl! Hi, Phoenix! (another one) Hi, Phoenix Junior. (and another) Hi, Phoenix Junior Junior. (...and a two-headed dog.) Hi, Two‐For‐One! Man, buying that clone machine was the best thing I've ever done...
(Whip to the kitchen, where six other Phoenixes are jammed.)
(Back at the living room...)
Futuristic television set: Incoming transmission.
(It's Tilly.)
Future Cricket: Oh, heya, future Tilly! What's new?
Future Tilly: Hello, Cricket. Just checking in.
(Future Tilly is residing with sea otters.)
Future Tilly: I've gone to live with the otters! They've recently promoted me to be their queen.
(She smashes a rock on another, revealing a clamshell; she lets it slip into her mouth.)
Future Tilly: My royal servants and I bid you adieu!
(She dives back into the ocean a'la a dolphin.)
Future Gramma: I always knew she'd go far...
The present[]
Cricket: Ha ha, classic future Tilly.
Remy: None of this has anything to do with your life plans! What're you gonna do for money?!
Cricket: Eh, probably the same ol' same ol'...
Future vision[]
Future Cricket: Well, off to work! Bye, family!
(He is beamed out.)
Cricket (VO): I bet I'll still be working over at Big Coffee!
(Which is apparently being controlled; somewhat like a Big Brother-styled aestethic.)
Remy (VO): Hmph! By then, Gloria will own the place!
(The eight TVs all over the place flash a video of Gloria.)
Future Gloria: Break time is over, Cricket Green! Get back to work!
Future Cricket: Ew, you're right!
(Now he's on a motorcycle, riding away from an explosion.)
Cricket (VO): Well, in that case, I'll be a movie stunt guy!
Remy (VO): I dunno, Cricket, stunts are pretty dangerous. A lot can go wrong!
Future Cricket: Aaaah!
(Off a cliff he goes; the bike explodes.)
Cricket (VO): Oh! Um...
(Show him as a fireworks reseller.)
Cricket (VO): I could be a reputable pyrotechnics salesman!
Future Cricket: I definitely don't sell illegal fireworks. Wink!
Remy (VO): And what if that blows up in your face?
(Boom! Now he's in a white background.)
Cricket (VO): Oh, no, uh, uh... Then I'll be... a banker!
(Appears as a nervous bank teller with a not-as-muscular body.)
Cricket (VO): Yeah, that's nice and safe.
(Future Cricket is worried.)
Remy (VO): Now you're just telling me what I want to hear!!! Admit it, you don't know the first thing about banking!
Future Cricket: Aah! You're right!!
(Boom! Now he too is a drifter.)
Remy (VO): No plan, no options! You're gonna end up in the gutter... with me!
(Future Remy is near him.)
Present[]
Cricket: Uh, I guess I've never really thought about it before.
Remy: See? That's exactly the problem, Cricket; you don't think about your future, and how what you do now affects it! Who knows how many wrong decisions you've already made in your life?
(Now Cricket is worried.)
Cricket: Oh, my gosh... you're right! The future is chaos! We're all doomed!!
Vasquez: And what about my future?! Without Master Remy, I'll have to go back to working in the Special Forces.
Vasquez's flashback[]
(A suspicious-looking guy is standing outside, near a bush; Vasquez pops out of said bush and snaps the guy's neck.)
Fugitive: Gah! Uuhh...
(He drags the fugitive in; he sighs, sheds a tear, and takes out a locket containing a picture of baby Remy.)
Vasquez: Life just wouldn't have the same spice...
Reality[]
(Fade to reality as Vasquez wipes the tear; a beat, where everyone is worried, then a grandfather clock sounds; it is time.)
Vasquez: Master Remy, it's time to go to your violin recital.
Remy: Well... I guess it's time... to face the music.
Big City streets[]
(They are now on their way; all are worried, especially Remy. He sees... a violin walking another violin?)
Remy: Huh?
Violin: Hey! What are you lookin' at?!
Remy: Wuh... What?
Cricket (OS): Hey, buddy, you doing okay?
(He too is a violin.)
Cricket Violin: You don't look so good.
Remy: (babbling; points at him)
Vasquez: Don't worry, Master Remy.
(Even he too is a violin.)
Vasquez Violin: We can pull over if you're feeling carsick.
Violin world[]
(Then we fade to an abstract violin world.)
Violins: (chorus, with ominous violins)
♪ Remy! Remy! Not so ready! ♪
(Remy crawls away.)
♪ Doomed! Doomed! ♪
♪ Your future's down the tubes! ♪
♪ What will the world think ♪
♪ When they realize you stink? ♪
(He now faces a larger violin flanked by six smaller ones.)
♪ Your life, you have spoiled it ♪
♪ Flushed down the toilet ♪
(The floor underneath him cracks and he falls.)
Remy: Aaaaah! (something catches his clothes) Oof!
??? (OS): Remy Remington.
(This is a big violin with a crown.)
Violin King: You've completely ruined your future. What do you have to say for yourself?
Remy: Please! I'm sorry! I just goofed up!!
Violin King: Well, now you can goof up all you want... in the SEA OF FAILURE!
(Remy is flung into the depths.)
Remy: AAAAAH!! (lands in the water) Aah! No! No! Nooo! (and drowns...)
Reality[]
(All just a dream.)
Remy: No! No! No!...
Cricket: Remy! Remy! We're here.
Big City Opera House[]
(A quick shot of the exterior, then of the stage; a girl plays flawless classical violin.)
Cricket: If this is the competition, Remy's doomed.
Judge: Ah, well done, Kayla, well done!
(Applause from the audience.)
Judge: Now our next performer is... Remy Remington!
Cricket: Aah! I can't look. (clutches Vasquez and pulls his tie over his eyes) Tell me when it's over, Vasquez!!
Vasquez: (strained) Yes, sir.
(Remy nervously takes the stage to applause and cheers. He whimpers, then a spotlight shines on him. He gulps and starts to play; he nails the first passage. Vasquez is straining; Cricket lets go of the tie.)
Cricket: Hey! The first part's sounding pretty good.
(Remy grows with confidence as he finishes the first passage; then he stops playing.)
Remy: Uhhh...
Cricket: Uh‐oh. He must be at the part he doesn't know!
(Not knowing what he's gonna do, Remy instead sifts the strings.)
Cricket (OS): What's he gonna do?
Remy: (trying to learn it on the spot) Mmm... mmm... mmm...
(A beat; then Remy launches into improv, doing his own dances and tune.)
Cricket: This is bad...
Vasquez: So bad.
(Remy finishes his improv, then makes his hasty exit.)
Cricket (OS): Aaand he's gone.
Exterior[]
(They get out the exit...)
Vasquez: Master Remy?
Cricket: Remy! Ooohhh.
(...to see him drinking ranch dressing on the curb.)
Vasquez: Remy?
(Remy burps.)
Cricket: Heya, buddy, whatcha doing?
Remy: Just getting a head start on my inevitable future... Oh, ranch, take me away!
Judge (OS): Mr. Remington?
(The judge joins them.)
Judge: You left so quickly I didn't get to tell you the good news!
Remy: I... made first chair?
Judge: What? No. You got, um... the third chair.
Remy: Third chair? What does that mean?
Judge: Well, it means you got... third chair.
(He presents him with a "3rd" ribbon, and leaves; Remy stares at it.)
Cricket: Okay, Remy, here's the plan: We go where nobody knows our names! Start fresh in a new town!
Vasquez: I know guys in Witness Protection, Master Remy. We can get you a new life, like (snaps fingers) that.
Cricket: C'mon, let's hit the road!
(They leave, but Remy doesn't join them; he keeps staring at the ribbon.)
Vasquez (OS): Come on, Master Remy!
(He looks at his ribbon, then...)
Remy (OS): Guys, wait!
(They turn around.)
Cricket, Vasquez: Huh?
Remy: I... I don't feel bad about this. I think it's gonna be okay.
(Cricket and Vasquez exchange surprised looks at each other, then walk back to Remy.)
Remy: I had this moment built up in my head so much, that reality... actually seems pretty tame. So... I'm not the best, but I'm not the worst, either. And that's okay.
Cricket: Yeah, I guess the future's...kind of a surprise, huh, Remy?
Vasquez: Ain't that the truth.
Remy: Yeah. And... that actually makes the future kind of exciting. I mean, who knows where we'll end up?
(He latches his ribbon onto his shirt.)
Cricket: Yeah, who knows?
(They look to the skies...)
Cricket's future imagination[]
(...then imagine themselves as the robotic bodies from Cricket's imagination.)
Future Remy: These new bodies are great!
Future Cricket: They sure are!
(Cricket's image breaks up and is replaced with one of Gramma's.)
Future Gramma: Boy, you need to get your own body! Now!